Spot a drunk driver - FE driver cowinkidinks

[BumblingB]

I got this email at work today and started to notice there are some similarities between a FE driver and drunks.....

How to Spot a Drunk Driver:

Listed below are clues suggested by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration as ways to distinguish between nighttime drunk and sober drivers.

? Turning with a wide radius. -------N/A
? Straddling the center of the road or lane marker. --------N/A
? Appearing to be drunk (i.e., eye fixation, face close to windshield, drinking in the vehicle). --------N/A
? Almost striking an object or other vehicle. --------paying too much attention to the Scangauge
? Weaving or zigzagging across the road. --------see above
? Driving on other than a designated roadway. ----------always trying to find a route best for FE
? Swerving or abruptly turning away from a generally straight course. -----------again Scangauge
? Turning abruptly or illegally. ------------trying to beat that light so you don't have to stop
? Driving slower than 10 mph below speed limit. ---------do I have to explain?
? Stopping without cause in a traffic lane. ----------N/A
? Stopping inappropriately (other than in lane). -----------N/A
? Following others too closely. ------------aka - drafting
? Drifting or moving in a straight-line at a slight angle to the roadway. -------------N/A
? Erratic braking. ---------------N/A
? Driving into opposing or crossing traffic. -------------again - Scangauge fixation
? Signaling that is inconsistent with driving actions. ---------------N/A
? Slow response to traffic signals (sudden stop, delayed start). -----------restarting from FAS
? Driving with headlights off. -------------------electricity use energy = fuel

[FormulaTwo]

now that is hilarious

[DRW]

Erratic braking- could be mistaken for early coasting?
Weaving or zigzagging- trying to catch the wake draft of passing SUV's?
Signaling that is inconsistent with driving actions- I was EOC and wanted to change lanes, so I put on my turn signal but forgot they don't work when the key is off, so then I turned the key on, but by then I was already in the other lane!

[Compaq888]

I do all of them all the time.

[onegammyleg]

Alcohol isnt all bad.

[rh77]

I'm just waiting to be pulled over for said items (but I drive with my lights on all the time). I often go below the speed limit and will change lanes excessively to ride that momentum if a car is blocking the way. I can't wait to explain the whole process and maybe do an inservice at the station on how to hypermile the Crown-Vic when patrolling

RH77

[BumblingB]

I knew ya'll (remember I live in LA - Lower Alabama) would chime in with the missing links/cowinkidinks. GOOD JOB!

[GasSavers_DaX]

Hahaha