Has your date driven SO badly or their car was such a mess that...

[ChewChewTrain]

...you knew there would be absolutely NO future with her/him?

I had been seeing my FWB for a couple of months. Today, I road with her (NOT in the way you think, DraigFlag/Paul) for the first time. It was a 3 hour, roundtrip, so I was able to sample her driving.

First, her car was a mess.

Secondly, her driving was atrocious. She would tailgate on the freeway so closely that she would have to brake going UPHILL!

Several times she would drive so unaware that she braked so hard that my torso would lunge towards the dashboard.

And, she applied the gas pedal as though it was an on/off switch.

So, the question is...have you ever used someone's driving or car "housekeeping" as a reason to disqualify them as a serious love interest?

[SteveMak]

I hypermile, so I always accelerate gently, I let up the throttle early, I coast for longer distances, use my brakes less frequently, etc. My Audi Q5 is over 2 years old, over 48,000 km, and the garage asks me what I'm doing because my brake pads still look "brand new."

I'm also big on happiness. My entire life is geared towards amplifying my happiness and my sense of wellbeing. I can't remember the last time I was in a rush to get anywhere. I even let people behind me in grocery checkout lines with a handful of items ahead of me, rather than having them wait behind me. Yeah, I'm way "laid back" and easygoing.

A woman I've been seeing regularly for a while goes batty with my driving style. I'm too slow for her liking. I leave too big of a gap between me and the car ahead (other cars are "acordeoning" while I maintain a more steady pace). I'm in the wrong lane for her (extreme right, hypermiling).

Did ya hear the story of the woman who wanted two dogs and the guy who didn't want any? They "compromised", and got one dog ;-) Well, that's like life! If you believe life is full of compromises and you have to "give and take," then you'll believe you must change to make the other happy... and you will try to change, and you'll keep revising your behavior in the hope that it'll transform the other into a happy being. You'll be on that trajectory until you release that belief, but the other never transforms into a happy being.

I believe that when people have a high degree of compatibility, then they also have a high degree of appreciation for what the other person is, rather than for what they hope they'll become someday. Since I learned to embrace this principle, and I learned to not be clingy and needy in a relationship, I've discovered I feel good about this arrangement: I'm responsible for my happiness, and I won't blame you for that lack of it... and I won't sign up to trying to make you happy. Do what's right for you, even if that means you don't want to hang with me.

I don't see that specific lady friend much anymore, and when we do, it's much more casual. No animosity. It's just clear to both of us, that we are not "couple material" for each other. I'm completely comfortable not being in a pair bond. I'm good with enjoying someone, in whatever capacity we can enjoy each other, without needing to slot them into any specific relationship box. We can be hang-out buds. We might end up in bed. That might continue or not. Etc.

Oh, and the great thing about FWBs, is because you're not cohabitating, you can more easily manage the parts that don't work for you. So in ChewChewTrain's case, "Hey, sweetie, we'll take my car, and I'll drive." She might remain a fine FWB, but not someone you want in the driver's seat, or to ride in her her car. Enjoy whatever aspects you can enjoy!

The challenge is when attachments and expectations form. If you're good with this arrangement, and she's getting attached, possibly wanting to take the relationship "to the next level" (the traditional "Relationship Escalation Model"), then the reset of "that's not in the cards" can be painful for the one with the attachments.

[JockoT]

I am the other side of the coin. I have never had a partner or a girl friend who drove at all. My ex didn't even drink. We'd go to parties and I had to stay sober so I could drive us home, and there she'd be, drinking soda water and lime. Nights like that I'd happily have settled for a nut job behind the wheel!

[Draigflag]

No one's perfect, if I liked someone enough then I'd put up with the odd flaw, we all would. My ex didn't have her own car, just a shared family car, and my car was better anyway so I always used to drive. Told her it was too expensive to get her insured on my car too. Most people around here don't have cars and don't drive, especially not the younger generation who I spend most of social hours with anyway.

[JockoT]

Originally Posted by Draigflag

Most people around here don't have cars and don't drive, especially not the younger generation.

Seemingly this is becoming the norm in the States. At one time getting a licence was a right of passage. As soon as you were old enough (especially the boys), you got your licence. I know I was like that at 17. From what I've read, now the youngsters prefer to use taxi's and such.

[ChewChewTrain]

Someone opined, in years past, a car meant freedom and "opened the world" for the younger generation. For today's youth, their smartphone "opens their world".

I see parents with younger children and tell them, with self-driving cars a couple of years away, that their child will never know what it is like to drive a car.